There is a dangerous myth in the healing/therapy world. It goes like this…“all you need to know is how to ‘hold space’ and you can facilitate an amazing group.”
Let’s start by defining what “holding space” means. Holding space is the practice of being with someone without judgment. To just be there with your full heart and deep presence. To bring compassion and empathy to whatever arises with a spirit of unconditional love and acceptance. Wow! That is so incredible…just reading that definition is a bit healing, but is it enough in group work? I would argue that it is not. Holding space is an incredible skill and requires consistent dedicated practice. It is one of the most important skills a facilitator can have however, there is another wing to this bird and I believe it is skilled facilitation.
What exactly is skilled facilitation? Skilled facilitation is the art of creating and guiding a group based on learned skills and methods. The facilitator uses various resources related to group process, group development theories and facilitation techniques dependent on the goals of the group. With this type of training and skill, facilitators are able to use difficult moments that may derail an untrained facilitator to create therapeutic opportunities.
I believe it is crucial to have both of these skills in facilitating powerful groups. Holding Space is the “heart” of the group. It is the medicine that supports the group to move into a deep, authentic and connected space. The skilled facilitation is the “head” of the group. It is the wisdom that directs the group when things are going off course or the therapeutic space has been compromised. A skilled facilitator knows how to use difficult moments, challenging interactions and silence to benefit the entire group.
I believe that we are most effective in therapy (and in life) when these two wings are working together.
Here’s an example: Josie was facilitating a grief group. Josie has a wonderful, calm and healing presence. She experienced a difficult loss in her own life and had experienced healing in a grief group herself, so when she became a professional she felt called to lead a grief group. In the second session, members began sharing about their loved ones when one member, Mike, said emphatically “My loss is by far the most traumatic here. Losing a parent is the worst loss anyone can experience.” Understandably, some of the members of the group had a reaction to this statement and felt angry, others agreed, and others became withdrawn-hesitant to share their feelings about their own loss. Josie recognized that this was a critical moment in the life of the group. If she did not address the comment, some members would feel unsafe and may not return. If she did address the comment, she may alienate Mike and the others who agreed. Fortunately, Josie had strong facilitation skills and was able to intervene by saying, “Mike, I hear that for you losing your mother is the worst loss you can imagine. I’m guessing for others, they may also feel that their loss is the most traumatic. And for others, they may be concerned that their loss isn’t traumatic enough. I’m wondering if others would like to share how they are feeling…” This resulted in members sharing at a deep level about their own loss and how that related to their feelings in the group. At the end of the meeting, members seemed much more connected because they were able to relate to one another more directly and discuss how their own beliefs about their pain were impacting how they were showing up in the group and in their lives.